Criminal Anonymous Group Therapy Meetings
by BlackRoseAki
Summary: Varian: Why am I here again? Lance: You're here because you basically committed treason to save your dad. Varian: Don't remind me. Eugene: LANCE! Group therapy for the misguided! Will the group survive each other? Will Eugene Cry? Will Lance ruin everything? Will Varian connect with the group? And why are two kids at this meeting? Read now to find out more!


**AN: I** wrote this funny masterpiece over the last week while watching Detective Conan at the same time, which is hard to read subtitles and write at the same time. Finally finished tonight. I wanted this to be a long comic made up of screenshots, but this story like chat got too long. So, I thought I could leave it like this. If you guys like this idea, please tell me. If a lot of people like it, I might even write a sequel or two! We'll see. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic or any characters from Tangled the Series.

 **Criminal Anonymous Group Therapy Meeting #1**

Varian: Why am I here again?

Lance: You're here because you basically committed treason to save your dad.

Varian: Don't remind me.

Eugene: LANCE!

Lance: What? I'm impressed he's topped all our crimes at his age.

Eugene: Lance, you're not helping!

Lance: Well, I've never . . .

Varian: And why are two little girls here?

Angry: Hey, we're not little! We're just . . . short for our age!

Red: Nods

Eugene: There here for the same reason as you.

Varian: They tried killing the royal family too?

Eugene: Well, not for that reason. They're here for group therapy for the misguided as well.

Varian: What in Corona could they have done?!

Angry: We stole a lot of things from Corona.

Lance: But, they returned all of it.

Eugene: And now they're trying to be good citizens.

Red: Nods

Varian: Well, good for them. Yeah! Now, when can I go?

Eugene: When you talk about your feelings.

Lance: Or when we all drive Eugene crazy.

Eugene: Lance! Quiet!

Lance: Whatever you say, buddy.

Eugene: Sigh

Angry: I get why he's here, but why are we here?

Red: Nods

Eugene: Because we needed a group or else the King wouldn't let us borrow the room.

Lance: Because we wanted to make sure you girls were all right.

Angry: So you do care.

Red: Hehe.

Varian: Now that we know the great 'Flynn Rider' cares about little kids, can we get on with this show so I can go rot in my cell.

Eugene: You mean your room, not a cell. And you will not be allowed to hide in your room anymore.

Lance: Yeah, I'm taking you to my pottery class. We can stop by Monty's on the way back.

Eugene: Lance, you can't make decisions like that . . .

Varian: Good thing someone here has some sense.

Eugene: . . . without asking the Captain and the King.

Varian: I spoke too soon.

Angry: Hey! Everyone, be quiet! Red wants to say something.

Lance: Go ahead, little Red.

Red: . . . Can I go too?

Lance: Course. Angry, would you like to go as well.

Angry: Sure. I never went to a sweet shop legally

Eugene: Can we all get back on track? Let's talk about our feelings.

Lance: Or we can talk about our plans to take Varian to the Snuggly Duckling for our next session of group therapy.

Angry: Yes! I liked it there. It was fun driving the 'hard-core' criminals crazy.

Red: . . . I liked cooking. Can we cook with you, Lance?

Lance: Of course, little Red. Varian, would you like to help us cook as well.

Varian: . . . I like making ham sandwiches.

Lance: Great, I can make a mean pot of tomato soup. While I do that, Red can help you make some grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.

Varian: It'll be just like how it was with me and D-, I mean, never mind.

Eugene: Why are we making plans for outings and meetings if we haven't even asked the Captain for permission yet?

Lance: Come one, buddy. Please say you'll talk to him. Come on, could you say no to these adorable faces.

Lance: Pout

Red: Sad Puppy face

Angry: Smirk

Varian: Trying to look like he's not interested, but he really is

Eugene: . . . Fine. But, we have to finish this meeting first before we can plan for our next.

Lance: Yeah! Come on, kids! Let's talk about the issues that got us here, in a completely voluntary group therapy for criminals. Who would like to go first?

Silence

Eugene: Okay, I'll go first. I had been a thief my whole life after I left my life as an orphan behind. I met Blondie while I was on the run. After a long series of events, I died, but she brought me back to life with her tears of love. I was pardoned and now I live the life of a humble man.

Lance: Wow! That story is so exaggerated. I bet if I ask Rapunzel, her version will be more realistic.

Varian: Yeah. Besides, you can't just 'die' and be brought back to life with 'tears of love.' That is unbelievable.

Angry: Ha! Humble man? If you're a humble man, then I'm an innocent school girl.

Eugene: Well, I've never exaggerated or lied in my life.

Lance: Really? What about that time you pretended to be a fevered sick teen while I stole a bag of coins?

Eugene: Well, that was different.

Lance: Or that time you told that rich dude you were the lost prince of another kingdom and needed a horse to get back to it?

Eugene: That was not my fault-

Lance: Or that time you told that pub full of assassins you killed the King's nephew?

Eugene: Okay, okay! We get your point. I have a bad reputation of being untrustworthy, but that doesn't mean I'm lying about this.

Lance: Sure, sure. Whatever you say.

Angry: Is it our turn next? Red and I hate waiting.

Eugene: Sure.

Lance: Go on, girls.

Angry: We used to be thieves until these two were chosen to make us 'good' or something like that. We were also on the run from some bad guy, The Baron. Once we returned all the stuff we stole, we were pardoned and now we try to live our lives with any adults, if only Lance and Eugene would let us.

Red: Nods

Eugene: Hey! We're not going to let two little kids live on the streets! Besides, who knows when the Baron will try to get you girls again.

Lance: Besides, you like us, don't ya?

Angry: Well, okay. Yeah, we like you guys.

Red: Yeah . . . we like you too, Varian.

Varian: Wait, you do? Really?

Angry: Of course! You could be like our brother! We've never had a big brother before!

Red: Yup!

Eugene: Wait just a minute! What about us?!

Lance: Are we not your older brothers as well?

Angry: Yeah, but you guys are our older big brothers. Varian's younger, so he's our big little brother.

Red: Nods

Varian: Well, thank you. I'll . . . try to be a good brother.

Lance: Now it's my turn! Yeah!

Eugene: Great, now would be a great time to fall asleep everyone.

Lance: Don't be like that, Eugene! Now, I was a young boy in the orphanage when Eugene left . . .

Eugene: He's going to take FOREVER!

Red: SHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Eugene: Okay, okay.

Lance: Thank you, Red. I left not long after Eugene. I became a thief, met up with my buddy eventually. We both had some fun robbing people, but then we robbed a really important person and we got caught. Eugene and I were separated when we escaped. We never were able to find each other till just a few months ago. Now, I live my life as a kind-hearted chief at the Snuggly Duckling pub.

Eugene: Wow! I'm surprised you finished so fast. Also, thank you for keeping it appropriate.

Lance: No problem, buddy. If I had not kept the unsavory details to myself, then I would still be talking.

Angry: Wait! I want to hear the whole story!

Varian: Yeah! Why can't we?!

Red: Shrugs her shoulders

Lance: I'll tell you guys the unedited version . . .

Eugene: Lance!

Lance: . . . when you guys are older.

Angry: Now, it's Varian's turn. Finally! No one would tell us what you did! But, it can't be that bad, right?

Varian: Do I have to?

Eugene: Yes, Varian. We all had a turn now, so now it is your turn.

Lance: Don't worry. We're all accepting here. Anything you tell won't change our opinion of you, okay?

Varian: . . .Okay. After I accidentally imprisoned my father in some kind of magical rock-like substance, I blamed the royal family. I fed the kingdom truth laced cookies, stole from the royal vault, kidnapped the Queen, wrecked Old Corona, and tried to hurt the Princess. There, I said it! Now, can I go?

Eugene: Well, I hoped your story would be longer, but that okay. And no, you cannot go just yet. We still need to talk about our feelings.

Lance: Yeah. Well, I won't tell you whether you were right or wrong for your actions, because we all know there's more to your story than just that. But, either way, we accept you for who are even if we can not see your whole personality at the moment. Though, I pretty sure we all don't mind waiting to see that side of you.

Angry: Yeah! Me and Red, we've done some bad things as well. Things we're not proud of, but that doesn't mean we are bad people.

Eugene: I agree! Varian, you made some mistakes, but that doesn't mean you can fix them. I know you're still upset at . . . us for not being able to help you save your dad, but I promise you this, no matter how long it takes, we will find a way to save him. Rapunzel, Cassandra, and I are leaving the Kingdom soon to solve the mystery of the rocks. We will find out the truth and a way for you to save your dad.

Varian: You would do that . . . for me? Why?

Lance: Why? That's easy! Because we care for you. Even though this might be the longest conversation I've had with you . . . since forever, I feel like I've known you for a long time. Even though you try to cover up who you are with sarcastic remarks and sass, which by the way I love, I can get a sense of who you really are deep inside. That is enough for me to know you're a good person on the inside and you've just got lost from the right path. We would know, since we've all lost sight of that path, but know we've found our way back. There's no reason why you can't do so as well.

Angry: Yeah! I might be a little kid, but even I can tell your not some creepy villain from some storybook. You actually had some kind of reason for doing what you did. Besides, I like you and that's all that matters. Red, you like him too, don't 'ya?

Red: . . . I like you. Your nice and kind to me. You let me play with Rudiger while we all talked. Your hair's soft and fluffy, though it could use a wash. I liked your funny looking goggles. You're a good person and that's all that matters to me.

Eugene: See, Varian. Can't you see how much you matter to us? Even if all of Corona won't accept you, we do?

Varian: . . . I don't know what to say. No one's ever cared about that much before. It was always just me and Dad. And he didn't have to say how much he loves me because I knew . . . but I would have helped me see myself better. I don't know if I can forgive Rapunzel and her family just yet . . . but I can try eventually. I'll actually try to get better instead of ignoring everyone like I've been.

Eugene: And that's all we ask of you, Varian. That you try, okay? There's no harm in trying.

Lance: Yeah, we all tried to be better and so far it's working.

Angry: Me and Red don't even have to try! We just needed to stop stealing stuff and everything got better.

Red: . . . Now, that we're not criminals, our new red haired friends can play with us and braid each others hair. . . Varian, can I braid your hair?

Varian: Okay, okay. I got the point. I won't give up on trying to get better. . . okay,Red. You can try to braid my hair, but I don't know how long it is and if it is long enough to be braided.

Eugene: Okay, everyone! Me and the girls aren't leaving Corona for a few more weeks because we need to make plans and gather supplies. Until then, we can meet up every day till then. We don't need to have long emotional meetings like this regularly. We can just go on outings and have picnics for the next few days. We're only required to have long meetings once every week, so we're fine for a few days. Now-

Captain: Fitzherbert! Your times up! My guards can't stand in front of these doors tearing up over your feelings meeting all day!

Eugene: Okay, okay! The first ever Criminal Anonymous-

Lance: Why is it anonymous? We all know each other!

Eugene: Because it sounds cooler. Where was I? . . . Group Therapy meeting is-WHERE'S MY GAVEL?

Lance: Varian has it.

Varian: LANCE!

Eugene: Varian, what do you need my gavel for?

Varian: I had this great idea I need a hammer for. Your mallet is the closest match to what I need if I want to make what I need to since I'm not allowed to have any real tools in my room.

Eugene: Sorry, kid. You can't use my GAVEL for a hammer, though we can arrange some time for you to use some real tools during our next meeting, okay?

Varian: Okay. Here's your hammer back.

Eugene: Thank you for my GAVEL. This meeting is adjourned!

Lance: Yeah, now we can all go for some ice cream!

Eugene: Lance, you know you have to ask the Captain-LANCE! Where are you taking Varian?!

Lance: Sorry, buddy! Desperate times call for desperate measures. Ice cream does not wait for everyone! Come on, Angry and Red!

Varian: I'm getting dizzy from how fast you're carrying me, but this is fun!

Angry: Yeah! I want chocolate!

Red: I like strawberry.

Lance: And I like napoleon! What about you, Var?

Varian: Old Corona had never had many vendors come into town. I only remember having ice cream a few times in my life.

Lance: We'll just have to try every flavor till you have a favorite!

Eugene: LANCE, GET BACK HERE! Oh no! The Captain's going to kill me!

Captain: Fitzherbert! Why are men telling me Varian has left the building?!

Eugene: Well, Captain! We're just having our first ever . . . Criminals Ice Cream meeting! Gotta go! See 'ya, later!

Captain: GET BACK HERE, FITZHERBERT AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF!


End file.
